The days are no more the same without you
by Skovko
Summary: Aleister is going through the five stages of grief as he tries to come to terms with Marilyn no longer being in his life. (Inspired by the song "Fallen" by Volbeat.)
1. See me falling

Aleister kicked the chair in a rage. It flew across the room and only stopped because it hit the couch. He was so angry all the time. So damn angry. And it was her fault. She had left him. Marilyn had fucking left him, and the anger wouldn't get out of his system.

"Piece of shit! Little bitch!" He growled.

When he went to talk to her, he was met by silence. He knew she was listening but she never said anything back. All he craved to hear were a few words. Just one lousy sentence. Anything really. Anything that could take away his anger and maybe make him accept that they weren't gonna grow old together like he had expected.

"I fucking hate you so much!" He growled.

He pulled up his phone and found his favorite picture of her. It was taken one day after sex. She was in bed, her hair was a mess, and she looked so damn cute. The picture only showed her face. She smiled at him like she always did. Her smile made her emerald green eyes come more to live. Her freckles and copper red hair always made him smile. Everything about her had been perfect from the first day they met.

* * *

_"Excuse me, can I steal some of your sugar?" She asked._

_He looked up at the smiling redhead. For a second he forgot how to breathe as those emerald green eyes looked at him. Her smile wavered a bit as she waited for his answer. He realized he was staring and quickly gathered his composure._

_"Sure," he said._  
_"Thanks," she grabbed the sugar. "There's none on my table and I still haven't learned to drink this without sweetening it."_

_She held up her cup of coffee to show him._

_"Why don't you sit down and drink it here? I got plenty of sugar and I don't need it," he offered._  
_"You know what? I think I'll do just that," she said._

_She sat down and gave him a wide smile. He didn't know it at the time but that smile would be something he would see everyday. And he would love seeing it everytime she put it on._

_"I'm Aleister," he smiled back. "What's your name?"_  
_"Marilyn," she said._

* * *

He kept looking at the picture on his phone and dropped down to the floor. Tears were running down his face as he started sobbing uncontrollable. He couldn't believe he had just said that he hated her. It had been the anger talking. Not him.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I love you, baby doll."


	2. Down and lonely

It had been a while since Aleister had been angry. These days he was just sad. The anger had finally left him but instead he was feeling this overpowering sadness taking over and swallowing him whole.

Depression. At least that was what his therapist Xavier Woods said. Nice man. Funny too. Even though Aleister didn't laugh at Xavier's jokes, he still knew they were funny. He should laugh. He just couldn't.

He tried moving on with his life. Tried forgetting her. Tried accepting it. Tried doing small tasks everyday. Get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, brew coffee, make breakfast, see if he could actually eat something. Tried, tried, tried. And failed. Everyday. Some of the tasks he did, others he didn't.

It was ironic in some twisted way that he was depressed. She would never have allowed it. She would have gone out of her way to put a smile on his face again. She was always so damn happy. Ironic that she had left him unhappy. He still remembered the first time she saw him in a bad mood.

* * *

_"Just leave me alone," he sighed._  
_"Nope, I'm not gonna do that," she said. "I love you, my dark and moody prince. Now get up. We're going for a ride."_  
_"Where are we going?" He asked._  
_"The happiest place on earth," she answered._

_On the way in the car he was picturing something Disney related. To his surprise she drove to the shelter. He followed her inside and soon after he found himself in a room full of cats. He couldn't help but smile at the black furball that rubbed up against his leg._

_"See, it works," she beamed. "Cats are happiness."_  
_"Do you wanna adopt a cat?" He asked._  
_"When the right one comes along," she answered. "But I was actually thinking about volunteering here in the weekends."_  
_"That's a great idea," he said._

_He walked over to her, gently grabbed her chin and pecked her lips._

_"Thank you for this. I love you," he said._

_He laughed as the same furball had followed and once again rubbed against his leg. He picked up the black, long haired cat and started stroking it. It immediately started purring and rubbing its forehead against his head._

_"I think he likes you," she said._  
_"Should we?" He asked._  
_"Yeah, we definitely should. Let's adopt him," she smiled. "What should we name him?"_  
_"Manson," he said. "It goes with your name and my style of music."_

* * *

He laid in bed. He couldn't even get out of it this morning. He felt so alone. He heard soft cat paws walk over the bedroom floor. Manson jumped up and placed himself on Aleister's stomach, purring as always. He gently stroked the black cat. He wasn't completely alone despite feeling like it. Manson hadn't left him like Marilyn had.

"I know, Manson," he sighed. "I miss her too."


	3. Are the angels on their way

Therapy was doing wonders for Aleister. He had been going once every week for nearly two months. He wasn't completely over his depression but he was getting there. Things were getting better.

He took one day at the time. There was nothing else to do than accept each day when he woke up. He got through his routine. Get out of bed, shower, get dressed, brew coffee, make breakfast, eat. He ate. Everyday.

And then there was work. He was back at work and had been for a while. He could see the pitiful looks from his coworkers but none of them dared asking him anything or talk to him about it. In their world it was something he needed to deal with on his own.

That was something he still struggled with. Dealing. Accepting. Moving on. He was moving forward, one day at the time, but he wasn't moving on. He couldn't. He still loved her. He still wanted her back.

He had tried bargaining with her. He promised her all sorts of things if she would just come back. Of course she didn't. He then tried bargaining with whatever deity might listen. He wasn't religious but he was so messed up by her leaving him that he tried. Of course that didn't work either. Again it was ironic. She used to bargain at yardsales and get her way, but he couldn't bargain with her.

* * *

_"So I'll definitely want this sweater. How much if I take both the earrings and the necklace too?" She asked._

_He watched her as she did her thing. She was holding a pink sweater with red hearts. Sometimes he wondered how they got along so well when they were like day and night. She was always so cheerful, like the light of the day. He was more dark, like the night. Yet they seemed to fit together perfectly._

_"What do you think?" She held up the sweater and the jewelry. "I made a steal."_  
_"I think I wanna see you in that sweater and nothing else," he smirked._  
_"Not even underwear?" She asked._  
_"Especially not underwear," he kissed the top of her head. "I love you, baby doll."_  
_"I love you too, prince," she said._

* * *

He took another sip of his coffee and looked at Manson. The black cat was sitting on the kitchen table even though he wasn't supposed to. He never dared doing so when Marilyn was there. Aleister hadn't pushed him down once since she left. He kept hoping if Manson messed up enough that she would come back and scold him.

"Do you believe in angels, Manson?" He reached a hand over and scratched the cat. "I don't but I tried asking them for a miracle last night. Just let her come home today and we'll be good again."

The cat purred as an answer and licked his hand.

"I know. I'm a fool. But I love her so much. And so do you. You miss her too. I don't know where else to go from here. It feels like I'm in the dirt," he looked at his wrist watch. "Well, I better get to work. The IT department doesn't run itself."


	4. Hear me screaming

Aleister sat in his car, looking out the window. He had driven there directly after work. He couldn't figure out what was going on inside his head. A new woman, Zelina Vega, had started in the IT department today. She had been a sweetheart and she seemed interested in him, and he had felt something. Something he didn't understand and he wasn't sure if he wanted it.

So many emotions were flowing through his body and soul. He felt so confused by it all. The old anger boiled up again and something else followed. The need for suddenly denying that she was ever important to him. He stepped out of the car and walked with determined steps towards her.

The images in his head kept switching between Marilyn and Zelina as he continued walking and finally stopped when he reached his destination. There was a time he thought no woman could ever compare with her. A time where he would have sworn that he was with the most kind hearted, loving, beautiful woman in the world.

* * *

_He felt nervous as he dropped to one knee and held up the open ring box. Both of their parents were there. He hadn't told anyone that he was gonna propose to her today. From the corner of his eye, he could see his mother already grinning widely before he had popped the question._

_"Marilyn Jefferson, you are the light of my life," he said. "Will you marry me?"_  
_"Yes," she said._

_She dropped to her knees in front of him, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him._

_"Yes, yes, yes," she repeated. "A million times yes."_

* * *

They never got to marry. She was gone the next day. She didn't even wait many hours. She was gone in the early morning.

"I don't fucking need you!" He raged. "You think you're so fucking holy and shit and that I'll chase around after you forever, but you're not that special. I met someone way more hot than you so I'm gonna forget about you in a heartbeat."

She didn't answer. Of course she didn't. She never did. There was no way she could answer. She wasn't there. Not really. Her body was there, under the earth, but the only thing he ever got to look at was her tombstone.


	5. See me bleeding

Aleister walked through the graveyard as many times before. This time it felt different. It was exactly a year ago today, which meant it was a year and a day ago that he had proposed. She was buried with her engagement ring. The beautiful silver ring with two small stones on it, one emerald to symbolize her and one onyx to symbolize him.

"Hi," he looked at the tombstone. "So today is the day but you already know that. I can't believe an entire year has passed. I've been here many times and I've said a lot of things, some of them I really regret, but I'm ready to move on now."

He sat down in front of her tombstone, took out his phone and found his favorite picture of her. That smile still got to him after a year. He didn't know that night he proposed would be the last time he would see it.

* * *

_There was a knocking on the door. He looked at the clock and realized that Marilyn should have been back by now. She had only gone out to buy breakfast for them. He had offered to tag along but she had told him to take a shower while she ran out. It shouldn't take more than 20 minutes. And she promised to buy him a cinnamon roll too because he loved those damn cakes._

_The knocking sounded again. She wouldn't knock. She had a key. And even if she had forgotten it, they didn't have one of those locks that automatically locked themselves when they closed the door. He suddenly felt nervous. He opened the door and his face turned ghost white at the sight of the two officers._

_"Aleister Black?" One of them asked._  
_"What happened? Where is she?" Aleister asked. "Where's Marilyn?"_

_Tears were already running down. He knew the answer before the cop gave it to him._

_"There was an accident outside the bakery. An old man had a heart attack in his car and crashed into her," the officer looked remorseful. "I'm sorry to inform you, sir, but she's dead."_

* * *

"Remember this day?" He turned his phone to the tombstone. "You looked so cute. I remember going down on you and teasing you like crazy until you threatened me with having Manson sleep between us for a week so I wouldn't be able to touch you."

He chuckled at the memory. The threat had worked. He had her cumming within a minute after that.

"I've been seeing this woman from work. Zelina. You would like her. She's great. She lets me talk about you and she listens. It's good. I'm in love with her," he said. "Maybe I'll bring her here one day so you can meet her. I'm not seeing her today though. I told her that I need today alone and she understood that. We have plans to go out tomorrow instead."

He found a picture of Zelina on his phone and turned it towards the tombstone.

"She looks nothing like you. That's good too. I don't want her to feel she has to compete with you. No one can ever take your spot. She actually says that she'll get mad if I ever forget about you because you're such an important part of my life," he chuckled sadly. "She's amazing. She really is."

He put his phone away and stood up.

"You know this doesn't mean I'll stop loving you," he said. "But I'm ready to let you go. I'm ready to accept it and let you rest in peace. I'll still come by to visit every now and then but probably not as often as before."

He leaned down and kissed the tombstone. Something he never told anyone that he had a tendency to do.

"Rest well, baby doll," he said.


End file.
